What You’ll Discover in Stephen Gilligan The Problem is The Solution
Stephen Gilligan – The Problem is The Solution
I. Introduction
In the movie “Pleasantville”, two adolescent siblings from the 1990’s find themselves transported into a 1950’s black and white TV sitcom landscape based on the old show “Father Knows Best”. While everything looks perfect from the outside, it is not. is This world has no depth, mystery or color. All people live in an enclosed space “pleasant trance” A lack of lifeliness and a kind of mindlessness, “brave new world”. The Two “visitors” Instigate a series events that lead to awakenings in everyone, including yourself. When a person connects to a part of their being that is still undeveloped or hidden, each awakening happens. For a teenage athlete, it happens via love and romance; for the kids’ “mother”It is found in discovering the sensuality and beauty of her body. For the father, it is from realizing his longings. The girl reads classics, while the boy finds his fierceness. In each case, the experience and expression of undeveloped parts of one’s self transforms the person into living “color”. They, along with others, must then deal with the multitude of responses that result from this awakening.
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Pleasantville is It is all around us. It keeps us awake through false smiles and violent threats, unspoken fear, disembodied thought, consumerism, and other modern and postmodern practices. One time, a corporate woman wrote this poem in a poetry workshop (cited By Whyte 1994, p. 31).
“Ten years ago…..
I turned my head for a second
And it became my life.”
We’ve all been through those ten.-Year “gaps” in our lives, where we thought we were present but then, in hindsight, realized we weren’t.
The It is impossible to continue damming the flow of life forever. The river eventually bursts, bringing with itself a myriad memories, dreams and reflections. Fear in exile can make this a scary time. is We will become overwhelmed and even die if we allow these currents pass through us. New defenses arise–more dissociation, more compulsive behaviors, more “playing dead”, more intellectualization, more violence against self and others—all desperate attempts to regain control and expel the “negative otherness” This is the reality that we are confronted with. At some point, it becomes clear that we’re losing the battle—we’re dealing with a presence stronger than our ego, and our vaunted defenses can no longer keep separate from it. Desperation may lead to us seeking out therapy in an effort to strengthen our ego, and its defenses.
When a client visits us, how we regard the disturbances in their lives—the experiences and events that are throwing them into “organized chaos” – makes a great deal of difference. The Traditional view is These are the things we should try to help clients with. “pathological” Forces that pose a threat to their well-being. This applies to the “problem”You can also use it as “enemy” This should be stopped by any means necessary. Milton Erickson (1980a; 1980b) pioneered an entirely different approach, one based on accepting and working with a person’s “problems” As unique and valuable presences that can, under the right conditions, provide the basis for learning and growth. One young secretary was convinced that she looked ugly and unattractive because of a large gap between her teeth. Erickson taught her how to spray water through her gapped teeth to get to a distant target. Erickson then instructed her to wait at the office water cooler until she was able to hit a distant target. “ambush” A young man, to whom she was attracted, with a squirt water. The couple was happy ever after, as one thing led to the next.
The Over the past two decades, the legacy of Milton Erickson was expanded and deepened in many different ways. My own work has moved away (see Gilligan, 1987) to develop a neo-Ericksonian approach to self I call it-Psychotherapy for relationships (see Gilligan, 1997). Like Erickson’s work, self-Relations emphasizes the positive aspects and symptoms of problems. It recognizes the importance of addressing such disturbances. “normal order” As evidence, “something is waking up” In the daily life of a person, or community. Such disturbances are twice as serious.-These are edged crises. They can be (often overlooked) opportunities for significant growth. Most of us, for example, can recall negative events—a death, divorce, illness, or addiction—that led to significant positive change in our lives. On the other side, such disturbances can very destructive—we can get lost in depression, acting out, or other problematic behaviors. Self-Relationships suggest that the difference is not so obvious is How a disturbance can be dealt with “sponsored” By a skilled human presence.
The Principle and the processes of sponsorship are the cornerstones of self-relations. The word “sponsorship” Latin spons means “Spons”, and it comes from “to pledge solemnly”. So sponsorship is a vow to help a person (including one’s self) use each and every event and experience to awaken to the goodness and gifts of the self, the world, and the connections between the two. Self-relations suggests that experiences that come into a person’s life are not yet fully human; they have no human value until a person is You are able to “sponsor them”. Through sponsorship, problematic experiences and behaviors can be made available as gifts and resources. This allows people to see and experience what was previously a problem. is Recognized as a “solution”.
The You can find the motto for therapeutic sponsoring on the Statue of Liberty in New York Harbor.
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“Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearn to breathe freely.
The Your teeming shores are full of wretched rubbish.
These are the homeless.-Tost me.
I lift my lamp by the golden door.”
Emma Lazarus, 1849-1887
Self-This motto refers not only to people, but also to their experiences and behaviors. Fred, an academic, saw me as a student for what he called “the best of both worlds.” “low-grade, long-time depression.” One session he complained of feeling unwell. “a sexual pervert.” Fred downloaded pornography online for as long as 3 hours per day, despite taking a year off to write and stay home with his son. He explained that he was afraid of being a saboteur and it took him so long to download pornography from the Internet. “caught” He would not be able to use his credit card. Instead, he would search sites that offer free services. “teaser pictures”You can download the files, then organize them in a library that must be updated regularly. For three months, I worked with him on his present problems. He was feeling anxious and depressed at work.-Related matters. While he did inform me about his pornography interest when I asked about his sexual and personal life, he strongly denied my attempts to reach him about these topics.
He said that it was draining him of energy and that he wanted to do something about. As I listened to his story, I felt that my Catholic guilt from childhood was back. He suggested I send Fred to Fr. McCarthy for confession was followed by a lifetime in very cold showers. This also struck me. “suggestion” This led me to feel off-It was too rigid and center, so I let it pass. Hypnosis and meditation have a major advantage is It teaches you how to be a “just let it happen” attitude toward your mind, so you can compassionately observe each thought or feeling without identification, and then decide how you’d like to proceed.). I tried to create a receptive mindset that made me feel connected, open, curious, and open to the positive gifts that Fred was bringing to my life. After a few minutes, I realized how beautiful Fred was. This was something I had not noticed before. I found myself talking to him about sexual energy. is The most powerful, unstoppable energy is perhaps in the entire world. I suggested that finding one’s deep sexual identity is It is a challenge that will last a lifetime and requires everything you have. Fred’s sexual presence was extraordinary. I complimented him on it and noticed that I didn’t trust his ability to suppress it.
The Relational “field” seemed filled with a deep connection, probably the most connected I’ve felt with Fred. He was open to receiving my compliments and seemed to be touched. In response, he developed a light hypnotic state. I continued to talk about his sexuality, and the reasons he seemed to be seeking deeper understanding. He was open to the idea, but admitted that he was scared. I understood that he was afraid, and put emphasis on this. “Yes, Fred, as a sexual being you are scared. “Pausing to let this stand on its own, I then asked, “As a sexual being, who else are you? “He laughed a bit nervously before saying, “I’m also very horny!” Before I started to feed, I took a moment to feel this part of his sexuality. “Yes, Fred, as a sexual being you are also horny!” I suggested that he continue his answers to the questions. “Who am I as a sexual being?” question. Fred needed some coaching to learn how to speak, feel, hold and make visible his sexual identity. Fred might say, “For example, “As a sexual being, I am really ashamed”Then, he should be encouraged to let go and feel that identity within his bodymind. I then fed it back and acknowledged its importance. The The next one could be. “As a sexual being, I really get turned on by looking at beautiful naked female bodies”. As he spoke, I would look at it and connect nonverbally with it. I would ask after about ten seconds of silence. “Who else are you as a sexual being?” This continued for about eight identities, including “I am….afraid, really turned on, interested in touch, numb, obsessed, paranoid, and intense. Each identity was felt and made visible.
Somewhere during the process, Fred looked so beautiful, the way people look in therapy when they’re no longer dissociating. He was able to see the deepest aspects of his sexual identity and make space for them. We discussed the many emotional truths that were entwined in sexual identity. I suggested that there was a distinction between a “pervert” From a healthy, vital sexual being was the ability sense the relationship connections between these identities and also feel them. “unitary field” the self that had all of them. While many identities may be contradictory, all identities can have a place within the field of self. We discussed technical extensions of the exercise that he could use to practice sponsorship of sexual identity.
Fred revealed his surprise at finding that Internet pornography was virtually absent two weeks later during the next session. He began to pay more attention to his wife’s needs and their relationship. Additional sessions were focused on couples work, particularly in relation to intimacy and sexuality.
II. Here are some ideas on sponsorship
This is just a small example of the many ideas that therapeutic sponsorship can offer. These are three main ideas.
(1) There are two types of experience: “fressen”The nature and the “essen” Cultural heritage. There are two German words for eating: fressen or essen. Fressen is the German word for eating like an animal or pig. Essen is the opposite. is To eat like a human being. Anyone who has had a child will tell you that the journey from fressen to essence is not easy. is It is a difficult process. Sponsorship is a huge help in helping a child eat like a human being.
When we apply this distinction to other human activities, it becomes apparent that every aspect of our being a person is the same. “not ready for prime time”fressen energies. It is The “re-spons-ability”to support a person’s social development.-Cognitive relational skills are required to convert these energies into “essen forms” These qualities are of great value for the individual and their community. If properly sponsored, the toddler’s temper tantrums can turn into the admirable fierceness that matures. If the tantrums are not sponsored well, they may turn into rage, passive aggression, violence or other forms of social behavior that seem to be of little or no value.
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I talked about this in detail “The courage to love” These sponsorship practices include the following:
Creating a centering or opening attention
deep listening/proper naming
Touching/being touched
challenging/accepting
Connecting with traditions and resources
developing multiple frames/practicing behavioral skills
You can cultivate fierceness, tenderness and playfulness.
These practices, some of which are elaborated below, are the ways and the social/cognitive/experiential means by which a “fressen energy” is Be awakened into consciousness, and cultivated into the human value “essen form”.
(2) The emergence of a generative Self occurs when essen and friessen merge. This view of self is the experience of a Self. is Each moment when the “essen mind” – the cognitive self that performs meaning and value—integrates with the “fressen mind” – the somatic self organized within the archetypal, experiential language of the body. The A generative Self is It is neither a given nor a condition. is Always present: It is A dynamic realization that awakens when the cognitive and somatic selves cooperate. Artists are an excellent example of this creative/created person. Most artists – writers, painters, poets, dancers – emphasize that their creative energies come from some place other than their cognitive (conscious) self. The Artist’s task is Find ways to get those energies, and build a relationship with them. This is how to build a relationship. is neither one of domination nor submission—the artist neither totally “controls” The creative energy and has “sponsor” These energies are to the mid-They will love you for it.
Every person is the same. is A performance artist. She is She is often visited by chaotic, creative life energies that call her to do something. These energies can be useful in the social world if she can learn sponsorship skills. If not, they may become persistent, troubling feelings or behaviors—anxiety, depression, agitation, etc.
(3) When essen exploits, curses or ignores fressen energies, symptoms and other acts of violence are created. We can begin to see that while life flows through you, giving you everything you’ll need to become a person, your presence is You are vitally needed. If you do not “sponsor” The “fressen” They will often persist with the same intensity as before, so it is best to give them gifts that are immediate. If you curse them they will assume negative forms. They will become distorted if you exploit them. They become an external presence that transcends the social/cognitive self. The The more you attempt to eliminate it, the more it will become ingrained. This is A clinical symptom is one that can be described as disturbing fressen energy. This energy has not yet been therapeutically infused into a useful essen form.
Therapists look for unsponsored fressen energies. We pay attention to the troubling behaviors and experiences of people who feel overwhelmed and encourage them to use these as a basis for new creative ideas. These experiences and behaviors can be difficult to overcome or resist. “problems” These are not only futile, they often have the effect to sustain them. Wie Fisch (1974), Watzlawick and Weakland betonten, the tried solution is not only futile but also has the effect of sustaining them. is Problem. A person might try to get rid of doubts by becoming obsessive. “positive thinking” Self-agitation increased, and I became even more agitated.-Self-absorbed and ineffective Self-Relations posit that the opposite is The problem is equally true is This is the solution. That’s it. isIt is possible to avoid what appears to be a horrible experience at first glance. is That which gives the client, with proper conditions and effective sponsorship what he or she needs to grow and develop further. A client might be provided with “nagging doubts” He was deeply relaxed and invited to receive them. He noticed a tender presence in his heart that he had not previously acknowledged. The integration of this tender presence resulted in a calmer, more centered presence that wasn’t being ignored. “negative” nor “positive”.
The There are “proper conditions and effective sponsorship” is This is the key. More information is available here. “ineffective suffering” (Merton 1964) and other disturbing events. Psychotherapy’s greatest challenge is to address this. is To effectively define and implement the means and methods of transformational sponsorship. I’d like to spend the rest the paper discussing a few of those possibilities.
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